Tuesday, May 25, 2010

I find myself in the barrenness. Hot, solitary, looking for rest. One foot, the other. The sand scorching with every step. No matter what direction I look, it all looks the same. No view is different. I lose my sense of balance and orientation. I keep walking, where is the end? It will be a long walk. I prepare my mind. I sit down and ponder. If it's all the same, what direction is one better than the next? Out of the darkness of night it comes. I am walking, I can see it. At first it doesn't seem real. I look, take it in and smile. If it is real, just a drink. I can't stay long. I sip, pour it over my body and feel it run. Every line and corner it finds. Cooling, comforting. Another sip and then I must go.

I need to find the way out of this vast emptiness.The water, it feels so good! I take more in. Another splash to my parched face. A trickle down my neck, it finds my heart and seeps in. The refreshing is almost too much. Surely I will awake tomorrow and find it gone. If it will be gone, should I dive in? It looks so peaceful. To feel the water surround me, saturating, taking the heat and the sting of sun away. What will happen when I have to go? Walk on and find a way out of this desert? Walk on to find the end or is the end, the way out through the water? Oasis or new life?

Without thinking, I sit down at the water's edge. The moon's reflection ripples with the wind. Dazed by it's beauty, I put my feet in. The water feels better than I hoped. I"ll walk in just a little I think. It feels as though the water and I become one with each step forward. I want to lower myself in but I wonder, what is beneath the surface? I can't see the bottom. Should I turn back? Get out while I still can? I think it's not too late but I can't move. I need the water. Frozen still, I stand. Contemplating a dive, I try to weigh the outcomes. The hot breeze and walking on or a swim in a beautiful pool of water in the middle of all this nothingness. In mid thought, I dive in. I plunge beneath and almost inhale. The cool tingle of the heat leaving my skin and a long exhale under the water. I don't want to surface.


  1. But you do surface, and it is because of your strength and love for your daughter, and yourself. You know, this is going to sound kind of strange, but we really are lucky women. Not every woman is loved the way we were by such incredible men. So incredible, God wanted them too. We have good taste, what can I say. But we loved, and were loved in ways most will never be. So I say to my friend, we were blessed!!! Not one other person knows that as much as we do, and so every day, when times are tough, and edges are rough, look at that joy called Carli and realize you were left with the best part of him!!! Love ya!!! Me!!!

  2. It wasnt Dale, it was really me, Donna!