The Profoundness of Loss

Loss is not describable. Not in the sense of loss of a loved one. I've lost my keys, my checkbook, important paper work many times. That is momentary panic followed by anger at one's self for not putting things where they belong. This is different. It's profound. An intangible feeling and sense that can't be duplicated. Those that have it can feel it, touch it, see it, taste it but it can't be described. I think that is why we seek out others who have shared our experiences. We are anxious for those who can relate.

I have, in my short widowhood, found many who have shared my sense of loss. It is a sad comfort. I need to know that others have suffered as I, and some more. It gives me a sick sense of belonging. I am an unfortunate member of a permanent club of which I cannot revoke my membership as all my dues are paid in full whether I like it or not. The thing about loss is it takes from you. It takes a piece of your soul and sense of reality. Others who have shared loss can see it in the faces of other members. We just know. When I think of this, I think of a friend I met a few years ago. Beautiful, smart, seeming to have it all, at least all that most would want but I sensed a longing in her. There seemed to be a sadness that shrouded her smile. I didn't know what it was but she shared it with me when I lost my husband. Her beautiful daughter was taken unexpectedly. In a moment, gone. Irrevocable, just like my Greg. No matter what happened the day before, what was intended, gone, forever.

The funny thing about funerals and people who have had profound losses is people will say the darnedest and seemingly sincere things. Many will talk to us about a sense of greater love and appreciation for loved ones. Lie. It is only emotionalism and sentimentality run riot. Give these speakers a few weeks and it is back to resentments and fueled distain for the intolerance of family members' shortcomings. Ask any married couple who shared with me a sense of greater appreciation for one another and a taking of marriage more seriously how that is going these days and it I bet it is, more or less, back to the same old thing.

I don't think, unless you have walked our path of loss, that it is possible to have that greater sense. I have it. It is like The Matrix. I took the Red Pill. I didn't know what I was taking but here it is. I live in an alternate universe. My sense of reality and life is so remarkably different than anyone else's. I wish they could know. I wish I could download my brain and help people see. All this, everything you have, everyone you know, everything you do, all that you make, all your investments, possessions or lack there of, everything is temporary. The sense of security in things and people that everyone has is false. It can be wiped out in an instant. I don't worry about these things any more. Not like I used to. I can't. I know better now. It is actually freeing!

Take for instance my house. It sold in about two weeks. Not my expectation but that is what happened. Instantaneously everyone wanted to know what I'd do next. Where would my stuff go? How long would I be in Florida? Would I be in Florida forever? Where would I be permanently? I kept answering "I don't know" and "I'll know when I get there". Not what most people wanted to hear. People without profound loss need to over plan. They need that sense of "I need to know what is going on". I know that doesn't always work that way. I am not worried. What works out will work out. Don't panic. Try explaining that to others.

For me, I am better than before. It is funny how life works that way. We have to experience pain to grow and be better people. My "Zen" is real. It is real because I trust in a God that sees the whole picture not the little, self-centered picture that I can see. No matter what, I can't get it wrong. The end result is His and His alone. What a sense of security in that!

Next up, I close and pack my house...stay tuned...

The New Chapter

As I sit amongst humidity and palm trees on this pleasant little patch in the ocean, my mind is on Boston. I put my house on the market before I left on my road trip, fully thinking it would take some time to sell it and that I might not be able to take as long as I wanted if I had to keep paying my mortgage for an extended period of time. Financial responsibilities were definitely a factor, as they should. Much to my surprise, my house was on the market for less than a couple of weeks. My mind then went to how I would get back to Boston, when did I want to go there, and what to do with my "stuff". I have a lot of stuff. Some mine, some my late husband's, some my baby girl's. No matter where I ended up, it is sure to not have 2 living rooms, a dining room and 3 to 4 bedrooms. What was I going to do with all of this? Another answer to prayer. I am downsizing and the buyer's are upsizing. They will take whatever stuff I don't want. Marvelous! Things are really falling into place and quickly. I can hardly keep my head straight with it. I am amazed at how fast things are moving. I keep reminding myself and others that I am not pacing this adventure, rather it seems to be pacing me. I am just going with the flow and seeing what happens. It is exhilarating and terrifying all at the same time. Major change does that.

Speaking of change, I was desperate for it. Sitting in my home, the house Greg and I made was depressing. He loved that house, in fact, he bid on it without telling me and we won the bid on the offer. He was so excited when he told me that they accepted the offer and we got the house. I was so furious that our first big purchase together was made without my knowledge. Truth was, I didn't love the house, he did. We moved in and I did end up liking it some or at least living with it but a split-level in the middle of no where and an hour from my friends and family was not what I had in mind as far as settling down. I decorated around the ugly teal tile floors and gross turquoise counter tops. Yes, you read that right. I should be on "Design on a Dime" I feel like I managed to decorate around the worst of flooring and counter faux pas. The size of the house and the remoteness of almost 2 acres of land and no neighbors within a quarter mile in any direction made me uneasy being by myself with a 3 year old. If anything happened to us, no one would know. I wanted to be around people who would know to knock on my door if they hadn't seen me in a few days and a little less isolated so that others would know who should or would come and go from my house. I had none of that and I can't use the riding lawn mower any way, nor do I care to. I wanted something manageable and quaint.

This leaves me with today. I am glad the house is sold. I am glad to be out of Rockland, MA. and I am glad to be on to something and where new. That doesn't mean I am not sad to let go of the past. It is not easy to change no matter how much it is needed. I am reflecting a lot. I am pondering all that I need to do and what needs to go where and realizing that as of April 12th, I will probably never see that house again or at least not like I used to. The old really is passing away and it is making way for the new. It's a good thing, but it isn't a good feeling. It means I really am moving on and making a new life. There is part of me that wishes I didn't have to do that and part of me that wants to plow forward and make all this worth something in the end. I am conflicted. Most people are when there are where I am at. I am not afraid to change, I've done it many times and always come out much better in the end. It's just the "I can't see the whole picture" part but then again, that is what I trust God for.

Next up, hopefully manatees with cousin Laurie.

Stay tuned....

"Celebrity" Gossip

It has been a week now since I left. Some have already asked when I'll be back but the truth is, I am just getting started on my journey. I have had some time to think about why I left. To some it would have seemed a bit abrupt and not well thought out. Many would not have just picked up their child and some personal affects and proceeded to drive the coast. I know that. I had to do it.

After some back and forth discussion my mother confessed that she feared my departure was an effort to run away from everyone and everything. I confirmed that for her and some how she seems to feel less anxious about my adventure. Interesting isn't? I guess even when people don't really want to hear the truth they can be sometimes comforted by it nonetheless.

Burning questions asked of me over email, text and Facebook. Where am I going? When am I coming back? Where am I moving to? There are other questions but those are the most common. I haven't answered one of them and I won't. The explanations will be found here.

Celebrities tend to lament the public eye. The constant barrage of attention and information, pictures, staring. Every move ending up in the National Inquirer. They just can't be themselves at any time outside their home. There are no secrets and there are no private moments outside the walls of their mansions or hotel rooms. I used to think that just came with the territory. If you decide you need to be famous then you just need to accept this type of a life. No sympathy was found in me, then again, I don't get "star struck" anyway. I've met plenty of them. Most would really just like to either be ignored or treated like a regular person, for once. That almost never happens. Quite a few stars even become reclusive, rarely being seen out in public. Even they get stalked. Seems if you are withdrawn there is more to find out about according to the papparazzi. Hidden they stay, hoping for a moment of peace. What a life...

That brings the point to me. I now understand these poor unfortunates of fame. In a way, I feel like I've become a victim of my own voyeurs. Greg's passing, a 39 year old man who left behind a 37 year old wife and 2 1/2 year old daughter, is rare occurrence. People expect older women to lose their husbands. Not any less sad and devastating but expected. The widows are comforted by friends and family but people seem to move on from it rather quickly. Not so with someone like me. I don't know if my experience is typical but it certainly has gotten rather unpleasant. I expected those around me to be around for a while, to check in and see how we were doing and move on. That didn't seem to happen. Seemed as though the longer my journey in recovery following Greg's passing went, the more interesting I got for other people. Not so much close friends, they haven't changed, but acquaintances. People I don't know well. For someone who is "stand-offish" it is difficult to answer personal questions to those who are not involved in my life. I wonder why they need to know. Usually it is just curiosity, lately my life has become fodder for discussions within circles of whom I used to belong. This makes me hurt and angry. How can you discuss things of mine that are so personal and painful without really knowing anything about me?

What is it about my situation that makes people so interested? Lately, what about my situation has made people feel so confident in voicing their opinions about my decisions either to me or to others? What is it about my situation or me that others feel the need to cross-check my choices to see if it passes their muster? Why then have informal discussions with others about my path in life and hold roundtables to decide what must be going on "with me"?

The constant barrage of questions, hearing about others talking about me, others feeling the need to pry in to my personal life in an effort to either feel as though they are "in the know" with me or to satisfy their own curiosity is too much. I am not on television. I am not in the movies. I am not starring in my own movie. By and large, my life is mine to either reap the rewards or suffer the consequences, regardless. Ultimately, the constant microscope I feel I have been under is too overbearing. I am gone, for now. When will I be back? I don't know. Where am I moving to? Permanently speaking, I don't know. Right now I am in Key West and will be for a while. I like it here. People are nice, the weather is good. There are tons of writers who are already meeting with me and helping me get my book in the right direction. Carli is happy to be with mom and to have me with her so much, but she also misses school. I thought that was interesting. I left because I need less interaction and more soul searching. I need to get my head together and get this book written. The solitude will help, believe me. I don't have to live with the papparazzi. I didn't chose this life. I don't think that budding celebrities really knew what they were getting into being in the public eye either and their poor public existence is something to be pitied compared to mine. I feel awful for them. Here on the streets of Key West, I am a nobody. I like that just fine. Not to mention, where I am staying, there is a palm tree in my front yard.

If you are interested in what is going on and how we're doing it will be on this blog.
Stay tuned.....

The Land of Sun

Here we are, a week into my road trip. So much has happened while I've been traveling. I am learning how to assert myself and think independently of others' opinions. This is new for me. I always care too much about what "other people will think". Truth is, it doesn't really matter. Opinions are abundant as everybody has one. I sit here, reflecting on two devastating earthquakes in the last 2 months, I am once again reminded of how precious life is. We don't have much time or we have a lot less than we think we do. This helps me with a lot of my decision making lately.

As we drove down the Florida coast we saw so much beauty of what this state has to offer its visitors. We drove by massive grapefruit and lemon orchards and got to see an orange and grapefruit farm. The farms look just like what you'd see on an orange juice commercial, literally. I don't know what supermarkets do to oranges but they really aren't as shiny or as neon orange as what you'd see at your grocer. Makes me wonder. We also saw a palm tree farm. It was pretty cool to see rows and rows of all kinds palm trees. You know I'd love to have a palm tree but it wouldn't make the drive on the roof of my car so I didn't stop.

We also made it to a manatee habitat. No manatees though, it's too cold for them. That was a bummer, I wanted to see one really badly. I think they are very sweet looking and it would have been fun to see Carli's reaction to this massive, blubbery creature swimming lazily around the river. We drove on.

Quick "shout out" to Mercedes-Benz of Daytona Beach, Florida for helping me out with my 10,000 mile service last minute. I needed to get it done and I didn't have an appointment but they took me first thing in the morning on no notice and had me out the door, complete with hand wash in no time. I would also like to thank the staff for their hospitality and patience with my daughter. It is hard to entertain a 3 yr. old at a car dealership but between me, the service department, the sales department and other customers, we seemed to get the job done.

We continued to drive and took scenic route 1 down The Keys. If you have never taken this drive, I suggest you put it on your "bucket list". Truly breathtaking . We also stopped to see the pelicans fishing from the bridge. Pelicans have this comical way to soaring gracefully on the wind, gliding in a way that is almost mechanical before they spot a fish and plunge violently beneath the water which would make you think something terrible happened while they were flying and this dive was an unplanned accident. I can't help but laugh when I see this. I could have watched them for hours. Carli called them "her birds" she loved watching them. We had fun taking advantage of nature in action.

In Big Pine Key, there is an endangered type of deer called Key Deer. I have absolutely no idea how deer made it to The Keys. Maybe they hated the Winter like I do. Maybe they were just sick of trying to stay warm in the snow. The important question is though....how did they get to Big Pine Key?! Something I will ponder for quite some time. I don't suppose they made the big trek down 18 mile stretch or the 7 mile bridge. You are forced to only go 35 miles through the whole island and the limit is strictly enforced. I set the cruise control on 37, because I love to push the envelope, and annoyed the whole line of traffic behind me as I kept a look out for deer and maintained a reasonable, deer-friendly speed.

I, of course, made it to Key West. You all know how I love this island and I have met some fascinating people in my couple days down here. Carli was done with the car for a while. She voiced this by telling me she was "going home with Nana" over and over again. I think the novelty of driving and staying somewhere new every night had worn off and she just wound up confused and unable to articulate how to ask me about what we were doing or telling me how she felt about it. Generally, she just tells me she wants to either go home or go to Nana's house. This makes me sad because we can't do either within an hour. We call Nana a lot. She needs to be reassured that Nana is still around. Carli doesn't understand what happened to my late husband. To her he just left and didn't come back and she doesn't know why that is. I know this because she is very concerned with who comes and goes, especially me, and when they will come back. The phone calls help her feel reassured that someone else in her life hasn't disappeared. It is hard for me to help her with. If you pray, please remember this for Carli in your prayers that she will be comforted by God and that he can help her understand the nature of what has happened to her father.

We tried to go to the Butterfly Garden but it was a disaster. I was talking about butterflies with her for days and looking forward to experiencing all different kinds of butterflies with her. We started out down the street to the Butterfly Conservatory, chattering about what butterflies were and what kinds of colors they would be. We checked out caterpillars and I was explaining to her that caterpillars become butterflies and isn't it amazing how God makes this transformation of an ordinary looking bug into a beautiful, graceful and marvelous creation. She wanted to see the butterflies so we hurried in passed the two large double doors into the butterfly garden. What a mistake! As soon as Carli got a good view of butterflies flying every where she shrilled and screamed until I picked her up and hurried her out of the garden with her crying and burying her head into my neck, howling about the butterflies going to get her and bite her. I was a bit disappointed. What I could see of butterflies as I ran passed tourists taking pictures was incredible. I soothed a butterfly-traumatized Carli with an ice cream. She forgot all about being upset about them after that and I was glad she had been restored to sanity.

The weather has been a bit cool but sunny. Carli and I both have sun-kissed noses and we did get to go swimming in a heated pool yesterday. She had fun kicking while I held her in the pool and we caught leaves floating, or as Carli put it "leaps". I have to plan a trip up to Tampa to see Greg's cousin but as of this writing my house has been put under agreement and that will determine a lot of when I will be back North. The buyers would like a quick close and I really don't care either way so I may be out of my house by the end of March. This is exciting for me. I feel like I have a whole new life going now. I never expected this. Writing, spending time with Carli, traveling this beautiful country, spending time on an island that I absolutely love, meeting all kinds of interesting, artsy people has definitely kicked my creative mind into high gear. I feel calm and content. I feel directed and cared for. Things are lining up in this direction faster than I ever could so I know they are God directed and I thank him profusely for this opportunity to live a life that I could only imagine just a few months ago. Today is church at 5th Street Baptist in beautiful Key West and later on today, not sure. Hoping for a little warmer temps but we'll see.

Stay tuned...

The Road Well Travelled

The Road Well-Traveled

The second day was much the same and very different. We started out from Baltimore around 10:30 AM. We had a lovely morning with Neil and Channa Basia. Their home is spacious and tranquil. It was hard to leave. Hues of blue and lavender through out and the quiet of no electronic noise of TVs and radios made it almost spa-like. Neil and Channa Basia's aura is calm and peaceful. They speak thoughtfully and softly. Channa Basia's placid face is always a refreshing sight for a harried life. No wonder Neil has been married to her for so long. Their diligent spirituality can be sensed in every corner of their life and home. But alas, we had South Carolina on our minds and we had to travel on. We took pictures and said good-bye.

I was a little alarmed to punch in our next destination on my GPS to find that Columbia, SC was a solid 8 plus hours for Baltimore. For some reason I thought it was more like 5. Hoping there was some cosmic or technical error we started off down 95 South. We didn't get off of 95 South for the rest of the trip. If you're thinking that Virginia is not that big, it is if you are driving through it in a straight line for hours on end. I was ready to see "Welcome To...." . Welcome to anything other than Virginia. It seemed like days. I was happy to see stimulus money going to rebuild roads on the highway but did they have to work on my time? Delays due to construction were a plenty. Carli had a hankering for pancakes about noon time and we stopped at IHOP. That was the only pancake house I recognized although there is a Waffle House on every corner, not to mention Cracker Barrel. Pancake time was my excuse to write while silver dollar pancakes were being enjoyed by one smiley little girl across the table. When pancake time was over it was time to head south again. Curious George started on the DVD player for the hundredth time and a happy Carli giggled on down the road while I steered lazily, trying not to become entranced by the lines.

I kept checking the GPS for updates and it kept telling me 9:30 PM was my arrival time to Columbia, SC. As much as I wanted to wish my ETA was sooner, it wasn't. I had to accept it was another long day. Carli did fantastic again. She doesn't mind the drive at all. Occasionally she got bored and whiney but nothing I couldn't deal with. Snacks and movies kept her entertained during our 11 hour drive. I was so happy that at least she was content. I was very bored. I hadn't really had a face-to-face conversation with another adult in a few days aside from very friendly wait staff during meal times. The friendliness of southern folk is a little off-putting to a conservative northern girl. I am naturally skeptical of nice strangers. I was feeling desperate for companionship and adult interaction. There would be none today.

95 South from southern Virginia to South Carolina looks like the same one mile stretch of road replayed for hours on end. The same everything. The same road, the same bill boards, the same gas stations and rest stops. It is a perfect straight line of similarity. I was getting tired of looking at the repetition. Travel on I did. I seemed to miss the Welcome To South Carolina sign as I crossed to border from the North. The thing that did strike me on my drive through the Carolinas was the pine trees. Loads and loads of pine trees. I also noticed a lot of ads for log cabin homes. I envisioned what a log cabin home would be like on the inside and where I would want to have one if I were to make one my own. I concluded that it would probably have to be country-like in decoration and my contemporary flare would not work out well for a log cabin home. Maybe a vacation house on a lake but that is about it. Maybe I can add a log cabin on the lake to my "Bucket List". I was then distracted and annoyed by all the South of Border signs. Who cares?

At exactly the expected time, I arrived at my cousin Damon's house. He was a sight for sore eyes. I hadn't seen him or his family in quiet a while and I hadn't been to SC since his wedding more than 7 years ago. I still felt like I knew where everything was and the surroundings were familiar to me. I really love South Carolina. In fact, I love southern living. I know my mom wouldn't like to hear that but it's true. I don't see myself in Massachusetts for the rest of my life. The southern way of living is much better suited for me. I enjoy how the southerners live and treat others. I also notice that things are cleaner around here and I would love a Saw Palmetto in my yard. You can't have those in Boston.

Next stop is Savannah, GA. I can't wait to see it. For now, we will visit with family and reminisce. The kids are playing and Carli is enjoying the break from the road. So am I. I am still in my PJs and it is noon as of this writing. I love my simpler life so far.
Stay tuned....

The Road Begins

The night before my road trip started I was a little anxious. Even though I had packed and prepared, it felt as though I had more things to do. I guess I could always have more things to do no matter when I left. I know I would find something else that I just had to do before I left. Truth is, I was a little nervous as well. What would it be like to drive so many hours and miles a day? What would the roads be like? Would I be safe with Carli? Would she be okay sitting in a car seat for so long? What if she couldn't deal with the travel? I could go on forever about the questions that ran through my mind. Luckily, I didn't keep myself up wondering about it either. I was so exhausted from running around my house like tornado trying to remember everything that I wanted to bring that I wore myself out.

The next morning came fast. Today was the day we leave! About 7:30 AM it started. Emails, phone calls, text messages from well wishers and curious acquaintences. Seems if you put on your Facebook to check the blog for updates on the road, that really means call early, often and incessantly until I answer the phone. My poor mother got the brunt of my frustration as the one last phone call that morning as I was already delayed by an hour trying to pack my car and leave the house. "Not a good time! Not a good time Mom!" I practically hung up on her. After everything was packed and I had made a trip to the bank and the gas station, we were on our way. It still didn't feel like I was really going anywhere. I couldn't picture the trip. I thought I would really feel like I was embarking on a big adventure. I was certain, I hear some great soundtrack in my head as I started toward the highway. Nothing happened. I was just driving.

Time and miles went by that morning. I was in Bronx, NY before I even realized it. The Bronx is still as ugly and dirty as I remember. I was glad to be on the George Washington Bridge in no time. Carli was as quiet as a mouse in her car seat, watching Curious George and occasionally asking for snacks. In robot-like fashion, I was pulling snack packs out of a bag on the front seat, opening them and passing them back without a word or even taking my eyes off the road.

We saw more rest stops and public bathrooms than I'd care to mention. If you like people watching, rest stops are an endless of supply of interesting people. I love watching crowds and families filter in, getting a sense of what is inside and making decisions on what to do first. Voiceless conversations everywhere in a sea of noise, I imagine what they are talking about. The trip ahead? The trip behind? Vacation or going home? Driving to see family? With a little effort, you can imagine almost any scenario, one that is more interesting than yours. Maybe that is what someone else was imaging about me and Carli. I was so pround of her. She was the perfect little travelling buddy.

Our trip to Baltimore took longer than I anticipated. We arrived at Neil and Channa Basia's house at about 7:30 PM. Neil and Channa Basia are a lovely Orthodox Jewish couple that I know. They migrated to Baltimore from Ipswitch, MA a few years ago and I hadn't seen them in years. Sitting down with them and talking was like we hadn't missed a day. I was so happy to see them and they looked like they hadn't aged a second. Thier Great Dane Liba entertained my Carli for a while but during the last snack on the night of banana and milk, she started to fall asleep in the kitchen chair. I hurried her through her bed time routine but she didn't even stay awake for her story. I was tired too but a little too excited now to sleep.

Today is different. I can't believe how far we've come in just 24 hours. I am in Virginia and headed for Columbia, SC. Now, I feel like we are on an adventure. The uncertainly of travelling with Carli has worn off and I am looking forward to our next stops along the way today. If have never made it appoint to travel around this great country of ours, please stay tuned. You just may be planning that trip pretty soon.


Keep on truckin'

Britt and Carli

The Natives Are Nervous

The news of my new writing career and impending road trip have gone from words to be celebrated to words to be anxious about. The friends and family that were encouraging me are now giving way to concern now that my choices have settled in. What caused this? I believe it is fear. Fear does a lot of damage. I am sure they are sitting around, conversing with each other over the “What Ifs”. What if I don’t get the book done? What if it’s not successful? What if something happens on the road? Why do I want to take on a road trip with a 3 year old? What about finances? What about, what about and what if…..
The thing is, no matter what adventure you take on in life, if it isn’t the norm, people will be nervous. They will express their own anxiety over the inability to take something like that on themselves. They will roll through every awful Doomsday-like scenario in an effort to “just make sure you’ve thought it through”. That’s a lie. What they are really saying is, “I couldn’t do something like this, I’d be too afraid”. I have had these conversations painted in a spirit of “just making sure you’re being responsible”.
Fear and faith cannot live in the same body. Either I am trusting in my fear of the negative or I am trusting in God to help me fulfill my purpose. I believe that I have a God-given opportunity to do something great. To use my experiences in life to encourage others. That takes steps that most wouldn’t dare to take. Noah built an ark in the middle of the desert! Can you imagine watching this guy work day after day on this boat bigger than an ocean liner in the sand? People thought he was all out crazy! Now, he is recorded in the halls of biblical history, forever.
Point being, I’ve thought it out. I’ve counted the costs, literally and figuratively. I get up every day driven by this purpose. Focused and determined, I write. I am calm, motivated and hopeful. If I am meant to write for the rest of my days, then that is God’s purpose and nothing can mess with His plans for me.
Another example other than Noah that I reference is Colonel Sanders. He had a great recipe for fried chicken. He knew it. Problem was, no one else wanted his recipe. He tried and tried to get someone to buy one of the best recipes he ever came up with. Restaurant to restaurant he went. He often slept in his car and went broke trying to get someone to pay attention to what he’d created. Finally, his dream became a reality. I am sure his family and friends told him to give up and just get a job. It was a stupid, silly idea this “chicken thing”. Well, if he’d trusted in his fear-based friends he would have missed out on one of the most successful fried chicken restaurants out there. His concept would be copied by others, only furthering his success. Imagine if he’d given in to the fear of others and decided they were right instead of trusting his purpose and direction.
The successful are few. The very successful even more scarce. Why? Because fear kills dreams, stops people from living their purpose and enchains them in bondage. I don’t give in to fear. Right or wrong, there is a lesson in everything in life and all things have purpose. The next time you are afraid to pursue what you love, ask yourself why you don’t move forward.