As I sit amongst humidity and palm trees on this pleasant little patch in the ocean, my mind is on Boston. I put my house on the market before I left on my road trip, fully thinking it would take some time to sell it and that I might not be able to take as long as I wanted if I had to keep paying my mortgage for an extended period of time. Financial responsibilities were definitely a factor, as they should. Much to my surprise, my house was on the market for less than a couple of weeks. My mind then went to how I would get back to Boston, when did I want to go there, and what to do with my "stuff". I have a lot of stuff. Some mine, some my late husband's, some my baby girl's. No matter where I ended up, it is sure to not have 2 living rooms, a dining room and 3 to 4 bedrooms. What was I going to do with all of this? Another answer to prayer. I am downsizing and the buyer's are upsizing. They will take whatever stuff I don't want. Marvelous! Things are really falling into place and quickly. I can hardly keep my head straight with it. I am amazed at how fast things are moving. I keep reminding myself and others that I am not pacing this adventure, rather it seems to be pacing me. I am just going with the flow and seeing what happens. It is exhilarating and terrifying all at the same time. Major change does that.
Speaking of change, I was desperate for it. Sitting in my home, the house Greg and I made was depressing. He loved that house, in fact, he bid on it without telling me and we won the bid on the offer. He was so excited when he told me that they accepted the offer and we got the house. I was so furious that our first big purchase together was made without my knowledge. Truth was, I didn't love the house, he did. We moved in and I did end up liking it some or at least living with it but a split-level in the middle of no where and an hour from my friends and family was not what I had in mind as far as settling down. I decorated around the ugly teal tile floors and gross turquoise counter tops. Yes, you read that right. I should be on "Design on a Dime" I feel like I managed to decorate around the worst of flooring and counter faux pas. The size of the house and the remoteness of almost 2 acres of land and no neighbors within a quarter mile in any direction made me uneasy being by myself with a 3 year old. If anything happened to us, no one would know. I wanted to be around people who would know to knock on my door if they hadn't seen me in a few days and a little less isolated so that others would know who should or would come and go from my house. I had none of that and I can't use the riding lawn mower any way, nor do I care to. I wanted something manageable and quaint.
This leaves me with today. I am glad the house is sold. I am glad to be out of Rockland, MA. and I am glad to be on to something and where new. That doesn't mean I am not sad to let go of the past. It is not easy to change no matter how much it is needed. I am reflecting a lot. I am pondering all that I need to do and what needs to go where and realizing that as of April 12th, I will probably never see that house again or at least not like I used to. The old really is passing away and it is making way for the new. It's a good thing, but it isn't a good feeling. It means I really am moving on and making a new life. There is part of me that wishes I didn't have to do that and part of me that wants to plow forward and make all this worth something in the end. I am conflicted. Most people are when there are where I am at. I am not afraid to change, I've done it many times and always come out much better in the end. It's just the "I can't see the whole picture" part but then again, that is what I trust God for.
Next up, hopefully manatees with cousin Laurie.
Don't Pray For Me
5 years ago