The Gift

I want you to picture someone who loves you more than anyone else in the whole wide world.  Close your eyes and think about that person. Get a good feel for their face.  They are smiling at you with tenderness and affection.  Their eyes are fixed on you.  They are walking towards you slowly and deliberately with a gift.  With outstretched hands, they are holding this gift out to you.  It is beautifully and carefully wrapped with a large ribbon surrounding the package, fastened in place with a large bow on top of the box.  They are standing now with their gift extended out to you.  All that is required of you is to take it.  I want you to sit with that thought in your mind for just a minute.  Does it make you feel good to think about? 

It's not your birthday, it's not Christmas.  The present is simply because they love you and they want you to know how much.  You did nothing to deserve it at all, they just want to give it to you. They want to experience the joy in seeing you unwrap your special gift.  

You have to reach out for the box in order to unwrap it, don't you?  You need to take it from their hands.  The gift is not the wrapping of course, although it is pretty to look at.  You could stand there with your loved one and just take in the moment but sooner or later you have to take your present from their hands.  It really isn't yours until you receive it.  What is it like to unwrap a special present?  Do you get excited?  Do you thank the giver?  Do you tear open the package with urgent anticipation?

I want you to picture again that loving smile with the gift out in front of you, waiting for you to take it.  Now I want you to focus on their face while you look into their eyes and slap the gift out of their hands, sending it to the floor.  I want you to conjure up that feeling you get just before you send something flying.  Next I want you to envision pushing them to the floor.  What do you think the look on their face would be now? 
What would their reaction be?  Do you think they would be hurt?  What did they do to deserve such treatment? 

Quite a colorful exercise.  The only reason for their wanting to give was simply out of love for you and to see the joy that comes when you receive.  Why would you send their present hurling and them to the floor in rejection?  Do people actually do things like that?  You'd probably think that someone was crazy for doing something so cruel. 

People do it every day.  On any given hour, thousands and thousands of people will stand in front of the One who loves them more than anyone ever will.  They will see Him standing there with outstretched hands, the most precious gift they could ever receive and they it away like it was garbage.  They will tell Him that His present is foolish, stupid and not worth opening.  He will say, "I love you" and they will laugh in His face. 

The next time He comes to you with His gift, I'd like you to ask yourself what the risk is in just simply receiving it. 

Emotional Hijacking

Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest -Matthew 11:28

The sound of the dripping from the roof and the dullness of the light in the room as I awoke was a disappointing realization that it was raining outside. I had heard a comment from a friend that it was going to be rainy all weekend but I dismissed the news as only one report and in New England, weather forecasts are more of an opinion than a predictable fact.

With a groaning sigh that she was correct, I turned from one side to another and was greeted by my beaming, tweeting 4 year old, "Good Morning, Mama!"

She brings the sunshine where there is none normally but I was not in the mood to have my disposition changed before coffee. "Good Morning, Honey."

I rolled out and stood up, shuffling to my Keurig to make an emergency cup of coffee. My three cups failed to produce any lift in my personality. I had promised Carli the night before that we'd go out for breakfast so I showered, dressed, got her together and we went to a sweet little local diner for a mouse-shaped pancake. After a year and a half, we finally ate and paid the bill. I was not any better for having to wait so long for a simple morning meal and I was furthered in my downward spiral by the day ahead of errands and house cleaning.

With a huff, I drove us to the grocery store. Normally Carli and I have a great time of grocery shopping. She stands up underneath me on the bottom rack of the cart and hooks her arms around mine. She goes on and on talking to me while we cruise up and down the aisles and she tells me what we need on her list. Today I just wanted to get it done.

My day didn't change much. I had to clean the house and Carli wanted to play and spend time with me. I was irritated. I became further annoyed by my attitude. What was with me? I seemed so intolerant of anything derailing my mission for total house cleanliness. It did finally get done but not without yelling and a low lying headache.

After Carli went to bed, I did my kickboxing workout and headed for the shower. There can be nothing so refreshing as a nice shower after a good sweat. I reflected on my day. My jaw felt tight, my neck stiff. Why was I so tense? Was I angry? No. Lonely? No. Did I feel like I was missing out on something? No. The answer froze me for a moment as the hot water rolled off my back. I was worried.

Worry is the single worst day ruiner there is next to being hungover. I couldn't have told you all day what the problem was but taking out some aggression in punching the air and kicking the wind got my defenses down enough to see it. I am not anxious for anything that is actually going on in my life. There is no crisis, no bad news of any note. I am worried about the future. Worried that I don't have any income coming in, worried about Carli's schooling, worried about my book, worried about my t-shirt business. I have great things going and things that can produce a lot of wealth and an eleviation to my concerns for my daughter's schooling. I have no idea what the future holds but I know one thing, I can do nothing to change it. The future is His to know and His alone. I have to trust that He loves me more than my own mother and His will is stronger than anything that could try to come against me.

In taking on worry, I walked away from the love and trust I have in God. I decided that I needed to handle and figure things out, not give them to Him and trust in His goodness. Since when do I have the power to manipulate all things? Hasn't happened yet. So why worry? I had to say I was sorry. Even if my roof comes off tonight while I sleep, He'll still provide a solution. The only thing I gained was a wasted day of grousing went I could have been making the most of a dreary day with my Little Sunshine.