Rules for Dealing with the Unruly and Don't Go Swamping Without Hip Waders

I am pretty open-minded when it comes to an other's thoughts and opinions but I have a couple of rules I follow.  The primary one that I have learned to never waver from is responding to open aggression.  The reason why I ignore an aggressor, verbal, or otherwise is this, they don't really want to know what you have to say.  They never do.  The only purpose an angry person has to confront you with insults is to make you feel inferior and tear you down. 

Why they want to do this in the first place is irrelevant although I will say they will have lots of excuses for their bad behavior AKA reasons for confronting you.  Regardless of the litany of reasons they have for deeming you the worst person in America, Europe or wherever you live , the actual intended outcome is only an argument.  It is a purposeless, useless, no-win war of an argument designed to see who caves first.  The loser, and they hope it's you, gets to be ragged on by them and their spineless cohorts behind your back.  You see, even if you win, you aren't going to be honored anyway. No one will be tipping their hat, bowing down and thanking you for a fine, gentlemanly (or womanly) debate.  You lose no matter what because the goal was not to see if you could rise to the challenge in the first place (see intended purpose above). 

Should you be accosted with an onslaught of angry words for no real reason there is an important rule of engagement, don't engage at all. I know, it's hard.  You want to ask them what in the world possessed them to take such exception to your point of view, don't do it. They'll be happy to tell you, but don't probably won't be able to make heads or tails out of it and if you ask for more clarification, well that brings me the next rule.

Rule number two is for those of you who find yourself involved in a feckless exchange because you failed to follow rule number one.  This rule is simple. Stop communication. I mean, stop.  Don't say, "I'm stopping now", just stop. If you announce your departure they'll keep going and then, of course, paint you as the coward. Go, run if you have to, smash your laptop, but don't continue.  Continuing will only cause two things to happen, hours of your life will be spent without any return on investment and you'll have a king-sized headache trying to figure out what the heck happened in the first place. 

If you ignore all of this well-used advice based on years of research, you will yourself in the middle of nowhere in the Emotional Swamp.  These beings, disguised as regular people just like you and me are really alligators who are trying to stalk you and drag you into their swamp and wrestle the life out of you until you have no fight left. That is what alligators do before they eat their prey and that is what an alligator of this magnitude will do to you.  Unless you like being alligator lunch and dragged into the murky waters of a lair you can't get out of, the trick is to know how to spot an alligator in the first place. 

How to spot an alligator from the Emotional Swamp:

1) They are easily offended
2) They typically do not compliment anything
3) They are more interested in voicing their opinion than listening to others
4) They like to point out the negative
5) They talk about other people
6) When they confront, they love an audience

Know what you are getting yourself into.  Most of all, put on your hip waders.  Alligators love to twist the truth and turn things around, just like an alligator does when it latches on to its victim.   The trick is not to get caught in the first place.  A little ego check on your part in the beginning will leave your alligator hungry and swimming off to find its next victim.  If you don't want an alligator attacking you, don't give it anything to sink its teeth into. 

"Hurting people hurt people and are easily hurt by them." -John Maxwell

Forget About Happy

If ever there was a word in the English language that I would like to eradicate from the dictionary, publications and speech it is the word 'happy'.  This word is shear misery dipped in chocolate.  It looks wonderfully appealing from the outside. Who doesn't want some happy?  Everyone is trying to get some, why not you?  There is even a right in the U.S. called the 'Pursuit of Happiness'.  Even our government wants you to have some.  So much so that they made it part of ensuring you'd get some, if you went after it. 

I spent a lot of time hunting it down.  I looked for it in relationships.  They always started off well and I felt happy.  I thought that this was happy then and I settled into thinking I'd found some. It always diminished though.  I didn't feel as happy as I did initially.  I started to think that happy went bad after a while.  I concluded that happiness was not found in relationships.  I moved on.

Disappointed that it was not to be found in another person, I turned my attentions to stuff.  Stuff could surely make me happy.  The commercials always had people on them that looked blissfully happy for having their wares.  I supposed that stuff would give me that happy edge that I was looking for.  I started to buy stuff.  Lots of stuff.  Clothes, jewelry, trips, cars, spa trips but nothing made me happy for very long.  In fact, the more I tried to buy happy, the more stressed out I got.  You can't find it in the mall.  Not to mention, the rub of having to get your credit card bill in the mail to pay for the stuff that didn't make you happy.  Talk about total unhappiness. 

Someone tried to convince me that happy was just a thought away.  I could make myself happy just by making up my mind to be.  Sounded easy enough. Just think happy.  Say, "today I am happy".  Focus on happy thoughts and immediately dismiss the thoughts that make you unhappy.  I started out with the best of intentions but when you aren't happy, trying to think yourself happy just makes you frustrated.  I couldn't buy happy and I couldn't think myself happy for free.  I kept trying.

All the times I had a glimpse of happy only to see it go away so easily.  Maybe you need to pursue it because it keeps leaving.  Is that how you keep it, you run after it?  Maybe happy likes to play games.  Maybe that is what makes happy feel happy by making you cranky.  I don't want happy any more if that is how happy wants to treat me.  I give up.

I've got a new thing.  It started a year and a half ago.  It's called joy.  It's way better than happy.  I love joy because it usually brings it's best friend, peace.  This whole time, peace was just waiting for me to give up looking for happy and come find joy.  The good news is that peace does not come from anyone one person.  You can't buy joy because it isn't for sale.  There is no need to run after it because it doesn't leave you unless you want it to go away.  There is only one way to find it.  Stop running, be quiet and ask God the joy that can only be found in Him.